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The Best Day of Big Dog’s Life

Little Dog: In the interest of full disclosure, I was sleeping on the couch just now.

Me: We’ve talked about that.

Little Dog: It’s by the door. I was waiting for you to come home.

Me: No, you weren’t.

Little Dog: I could have been.

Me: Where’s Big Dog?

Little Dog: Doing something in the back.

Big Dog: I have found something, something exciting. Come and see the exciting thing I have found.

J: Hey, you’re home. Did you have fun?

Me: I did. The dog thinks she’s found something behind the washing machine.

J: Yeah, I think it might be a rat.

Big Dog: It is a rat. I have found a rat.

Me: Ugh, seriously?

J: Yeah, one of those sewer rats that are around.

Big Dog: It is a rat. I have found a rat.

Me: You mean you went to bed knowing there’s a sewer rat in the house?

J: It could be a rat. I didn’t actually look. You know.

Me: No, I don’t know.

J: It might not actually be a rat is all I’m saying.

Me: Like Schrodinger’s cat or something?

J: Or something. Yeah.

Me: What was the plan?

J: I was just going to leave the dog out.

Me: Forever?

J: She seems pretty on it.

Big Dog: It is a rat. I have found a rat.

Me: I’m saying this is a bad plan.

Big Dog: There it goes. There goes the rat.

Me: Ugh, now it’s running loose somewhere.  I’m so revolted.

J: Why do these things always happen in the middle of the night?

Big Dog: There is a rat in my house. This is the best day of my life.

Little Dog: What’re we doing, gang? For the record, I was definitely not sleeping on the couch.

J: Where’s the rat, Big Dog?

Big Dog: I am thinking.

J: Stop thinking and find the rat.

Big Dog: I am thinking.

J: This is so disappointing.

Big Dog: I am done thinking. The rat is not in the living room. I will walk to the dining room.

J: What is she even doing?

Me: Thinking, apparently.

Big Dog: The rat is not in the dining room

Little Dog: Wait, there’s a rat in the house? OMG, that’s disgusting.

Big Dog: I am thinking in the hall. The rat is not in here. I am thinking in the kitchen. The rat is not in here. I am thinking in the closet. Here it is. I have found it. I have found the rat. I see you, rat.

Me: Oh God, what’s that sound?

J: I think she just killed it.

Big Dog: I did. I killed a rat. I killed it. This is a good day.

Little Dog: There is literally blood all over the kitchen. I can’t even. I never thought I’d say this, but can I go get into my crate, please?

J: Aw. Poor rat.

Big Dog: I will take my rat outside. I will take my rat outside and I will give it to you, nice man, because I love you.

J: …Thanks.

Big Dog: Are you proud of me, nice man?

J: I’m so proud of you, Big Dog.

Big Dog: This is a good day.

Little Dog: Is it gone?

Me: Yeah, it’s gone. You can come out.

Little Dog: Since we’re all still up, how about a rousing game of Boggle?

Me: Seriously, what do you think you’re doing?

Little Dog: Getting on the couch. Maybe. I might be doing that.

Me: No. No!

Little Dog: No to the couch, or no to the Boggle?

Me: What do you think?

Little Dog: I can see it going either way, honestly.


Big Dog, thinking deep thoughts.

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