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That time I chaperoned the parents’ three dogs while they did their business. There are rules, is all I’m saying.

Sadie:  out

Sadie: out

Sadie: out

Me:  Sadie may need to pee.

Little Dog:  Ya think?

Sadie: out

Me:  How are you holding up, Little Dog?

Little Dog:  I peed yesterday, so nothing urgent, but you know how I always like to take in the scenery.

Me:  Do the rest of you dogs need to use the facilities?

Millie:  Millie wants to go out.

Jazz:  A muvld arsy wike di fo iutvipe fary dusch sindeeep.

Me:  Alrighty then, a group outing.  So listen up, dogs.  When you go outside with me there are rules.

Millie:  Millie hates rules.

Jazz: Gjsaoi fjo.

Sadie:  out

Me:  Rule number one:  No wandering off.

Millie:  Millie will wander off if she wants to.

Me:  Not if Millie wants to go out.

Millie:  Fine, Millie will not wander off.  This time.  Maybe.  If Millie feels like it.

Me:  Rule number two: no eating mushrooms.

Jazz: Hfdoi grisa seiperrr!! Gbroikc spou ur apos ru ckpours id a sfjo sckrupzkcjr rusouk d dk srouiapcnm yuer.

Me:  Long hair don’t care, Jazz.  Mushrooms make you sick.

Jazz: Poieru kjo werz eirj vbnq ert.

Me:  I’m going to remind you again of that one time with the emergency room and the vomiting and the subcutaneous fluids.

Jazz: Qsdrwe qweriop!

Little Dog:  I’m missing a few words here and there.

Me:  She’s a little hard to understand since they removed most of her teeth.

Little Dog:  Can I get the Cliff’s notes?

Me:  She thinks my concerns about the mushrooms are overrated.

Sadie: out out out out out out out out out out

Me:  Okay, no need to panic.  Now, I’m going to slowly open the door, and we’re going to file calmly…

Millie:  Millie’s freeeeee!

Me:  Wait, remember rule number one, Millie!

Millie:  Catch you later sucker!

Me:  Stop, Millie, hold on, Jazz, where are you going?

Jazz:  Thwifs qourek cnoiurwekd ABFOIDSJH!

Me:  That’s strictly against rule number two!  Jazz!  Jazz!  Come back here right now!  Wait, Sadie, what…

Sadie: run run run run run run run run


Little Dog:  I listen to you.

Me:  Not all the time.

Little Dog:  But some of the time.  This time.

Me:  That’s true.

Little Dog.  And you have to admit, there’s something nice about it being back to just the two of us.

Me:  The conversation’s better.

Little Dog:  That goes without saying.


Jazz, after getting herself stuck in an empty dog food bag.






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