Me: Sadie may need to pee.
Little Dog: Ya think?
Me: How are you holding up, Little Dog?
Little Dog: I peed yesterday, so nothing urgent, but you know how I always like to take in the scenery.
Me: Do the rest of you dogs need to use the facilities?
Millie: Millie wants to go out.
Jazz: A muvld arsy wike di fo iutvipe fary dusch sindeeep.
Me: Alrighty then, a group outing. So listen up, dogs. When you go outside with me there are rules.
Millie: Millie hates rules.
Jazz: Gjsaoi fjo.
Me: Rule number one: No wandering off.
Millie: Millie will wander off if she wants to.
Me: Not if Millie wants to go out.
Millie: Fine, Millie will not wander off. This time. Maybe. If Millie feels like it.
Me: Rule number two: no eating mushrooms.
Jazz: Hfdoi grisa seiperrr!! Gbroikc spou ur apos ru ckpours id a sfjo sckrupzkcjr rusouk d dk srouiapcnm yuer.
Me: Long hair don’t care, Jazz. Mushrooms make you sick.
Jazz: Poieru kjo werz eirj vbnq ert.
Me: I’m going to remind you again of that one time with the emergency room and the vomiting and the subcutaneous fluids.
Jazz: Qsdrwe qweriop!
Little Dog: I’m missing a few words here and there.
Me: She’s a little hard to understand since they removed most of her teeth.
Little Dog: Can I get the Cliff’s notes?
Me: She thinks my concerns about the mushrooms are overrated.
Sadie: out out out out out out out out out out
Me: Okay, no need to panic. Now, I’m going to slowly open the door, and we’re going to file calmly…
Millie: Millie’s freeeeee!
Me: Wait, remember rule number one, Millie!
Millie: Catch you later sucker!
Me: Stop, Millie, hold on, Jazz, where are you going?
Jazz: Thwifs qourek cnoiurwekd ABFOIDSJH!
Me: That’s strictly against rule number two! Jazz! Jazz! Come back here right now! Wait, Sadie, what…
Sadie: run run run run run run run run
Me: GODDAMN IT DOGS WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?
Little Dog: I listen to you.
Me: Not all the time.
Little Dog: But some of the time. This time.
Me: That’s true.
Little Dog. And you have to admit, there’s something nice about it being back to just the two of us.
Me: The conversation’s better.
Little Dog: That goes without saying.