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When Big Dog and Little Dog Went Camping

J: I would like everyone to appreciate how quickly I got this thing set up in the dark.

Me: Because you’re a manly man.

J: You better believe it.

Z: I’ve always wanted to go camping and now I’m camping and it’s so awesome and can I sleep in this spot, no maybe that spot, no definitely this spot, or maybe can I sleep next to you, or maybe you, or maybe the dogs can sleep in my sleeping bag with me, or maybe the dogs could sleep in your sleeping bag or maybe we could zip all the sleeping bags together into one big sleeping bag and…

Little Dog: WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?

Me: Watch your language around the child.

Little Dog: WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?

Big Dog: This is a tent.

Little Dog: WHHHUUUUUUT?

Big Dog: I am in the tent. I am out of the tent. I am in the tent. I am out of the tent. I am in…

Little Dog: I AM NOT GOING INTO THAT HELL HOLE!

Z: What’s a hell hole?

Me: Little Dog, watch yourself.

Little Dog: I AM FACING DOWN THE GAPING MAW OF DOOM! YOU CAN TAKE YOUR VICTORIAN SENSIBILITY AND SHOVE IT!

J: Look, Little Dog – I’ve set up your crates, and you even have your own little room in the back…

Z: We can sleep together in the little room in the back! All of us! You, and you, and me, and Big Dog and Little Dog! And I can use the flashlight to read and we can read and read and read together all night long I have this great book and also my Boy’s Life Magazine it has articles all about tying knots and animal poop and there are these comics…

Big Dog: I am in the tent. I am out of the tent. I am in the tent. I am…

Little Dog: I AM GOING TO DIE, FORGOTTEN AND ALONE, LISTENING TO THE CHILD READ ABOUT POOP!

Me: We’re at a KOA campground. There’s another tent ten feet away, and a whole fleet of senior citizens in mobile homes just down the lane. No one’s alone here.

Z: Do you hear that noise, I hear a noise, do you think it’s a bird or a coyote or a bear or a really big bug I hope it’s a coyote I’ve always wanted to see a coyote do you think coyotes know how to get into tents, if you give me the flashlight I can go outside with my Boy’s Life Magazine and look at the poop and check whether it is a coyote or a bird or a bear or a really big bug…

Little Dog: WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?

Me: Maybe Little Dog and I should just go sleep in the car.

Little Dog:  YES!  YES!!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT ME BACK IN THE CAR!!!

J: Under no circumstances are you to leave me alone here with all of this.

Big Dog.  I am in the tent.

 

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  1. Pingback: Doing as the Tourists Do, Canadian Edition: Visiting Banff - Whistling Far and Wee

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