Little Dog: Don’t you fall asleep on this couch. It’s bad for you.
Me: I’m an adult. I’ll do whatever I damn well want.
Little Dog: As long as it’s not sleeping on this couch, I’m on board with that.
Me: Go away.
Little Dog: Commencing The Stare.
Me: I hate The Stare.
Little Dog: Creepy yet effective, amirite?
Me: Not when my eyes are closed.
Little Dog: But there’s more. Commencing the Nose Bump.
Me: Wait, what’s this all over my pants?
Little Dog: Two parts slobber, one part snot. Hang on. I’m going to start keening now.
Me: Stop that! You could wake up the kid. Or the neighbor’s kid! What’s wrong with you?
Little Dog: I find my moves work better when I vocalize.
Me: You’re obnoxious but I’m not going to lie, you have mad skills.
Little Dog: Maybe you should consider changing your soggy pants. Before you get into bed. Or not. I still haven’t had a chance to stick my wet nose in your ear. Which is totally my favorite. Are you ready for it?
Me: Fine. Fine. I’m up.
Little Dog: We’re a great team.