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Little Dog at the Breakfast Table

Me: I’d like a little alone time, if you don’t mind.

Little Dog: How about I just sit here?

Me: And watch me eat?

Little Dog: I love watching you eat.

Me: Yeah, I dunno.

Little Dog: Maybe we can get closer.

Me: We’re pretty close already.

Little Dog: I think we can do better.  Here, let me sit on your foot.

Me: I know what you’re up to.

Little Dog: I’m not up to anything.

Me: You’re trying to get close to my food, is what you’re up to.

Little Dog: What do I do when you’re brushing your teeth?

Me: Sit on my foot.

Little Dog: Or when you’re at your desk?

Me: Sit on my foot.

Little Dog: Or when you’re on the phone?

Me: Sit on my foot. Where are we going with this?

Little Dog: You were insinuating something just now, and I’m so insulted.

Me: Dude.

Little Dog: What?

Me: I saw you suck that piece of toast off the table.

Little Dog: Did not.

Me: I saw you.  Just now.

Little Dog: It was toast crusts. The little human doesn’t like the crusts anyway. I’m reducing waste.

Me: Go away. Right now. Get out of the dining room.

Little Dog: Maybe we can reconvene this conversation at lunch.

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I haz no body.

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