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The Dog Experience

Want to borrow a dog? I have one! She has spent the last hour throwing the ball for herself in my living room. She would love to come to your living room and show you the ropes. And also shed! By the bucket! Bonus points if you have something sitting around that she could destroy. Strong preference for socks, but open to new experiences. Warning: not so into getting wet. She will hold it as long as possible, but ultimately will need to go outside. When this happens,┬ásulking may occur unless you stand in the rain with her. Similarly depressed if you try to go to the bathroom alone. But why would you want to? Together time! Score! If you absolutely must carve out me time (the other dog inexplicably wants it), try chilling in the kitchen. It’s the worst. Of course, the food lives there. So maybe it’s the best? So conflicted! Also fielding offers from people who prefer to have the dog experience in my home, where the rest of the dog hair is. Let’s do it! You could entertain her for an hour by breathing, and she could offer you unconditional, entirely temporary affection. That’s what’s called a win-win, people.


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