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Concerning Little Dog’s Attention Grabbing Techniques

Me: Why do you keep doing that?

Little Dog: What?

Me: That thing where you hurl your bone at the hardwood floor.

Little Dog: If I did it on the carpet, it wouldn’t make any noise.

Me: And always when I’m on the phone, or there’s a quiet part of a movie.

Little Dog: Nature abhors a vacuum.

Me: But seriously.

Little Dog: I dunno. Maybe I like the lovely sound it makes as it bounces.

Me: Maybe.

Little Dog: Or maybe I like the fact that everyone looks at me when I do it.

Me: Yeah.

Little Dog: The attention from the room momentarily eliminates my profound feelings of existential loneliness.

Me: That’s pretty deep.

Little Dog: Or I could just be an asshole.

Me: Hmmm.

Little Dog: Yep, I think that’s it. Just an asshole.

Me: But why, Little Dog?

Little Dog: You know how they always say play to your strengths?

Me: I don’t think you’re an asshole.

Little Dog: You don’t?

Me: I don’t.

Little Dog: That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I love you.

Me: I love you too, Little Dog.

Little Dog: This seems like it might be a good time to tell you I ate your slippers.


Little Dog: But only one of them. Just one slipper. Do you still love me?

Me: I’d love you more if you’d stop eating my slippers.

Little Dog: That would hardly be fair to Big Dog, though, would it?

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