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Big Dog Wants All The Things

Me: I almost hate to ask, but what’s that noise?

Big Dog: That’s me. I’m chewing on this thing.

Me: What thing?

Big Dog: This thing that’s in my crate with me.

Me: I don’t see any thing.

Big Dog: That’s because I ate it. I ate the thing.

Me: Wait, what’s this?

Big Dog: That’s what’s left of the thing I ate. I saved it for last because it is jingly and crunchy.

Me: These look like your ID tags.

Big Dog: I would like you to give me the jingly and crunchy things, please.

Me: Was the thing you ate around your neck?

Big Dog: Yep. I would like you to give me the jingly and crunchy things now, please.

Me: No, Big Dog, no! Don’t you know that eating a nylon collar can lacerate your intestines?

Big Dog: You are saying a lot of words I don’t understand right now. I would like you to give me…

Me: They’re ID tags, they’re metal, and you can’t have them, Big Dog.

Big Dog: … the jingly and crunchy things. Please.

Me: Wait, what are you doing, Little Dog?

Little Dog: I’m chewing this thing I found in Big Dog’s crate. As you know, I’m normally not that into crates, but for Big Dog, I make an exception. I’m finding it a little chewy, though.

Big Dog: I want that thing. Also, the jingly things. I want all the things. Please. Please give me all the things.

Me: Little Dog, how much did you eat?

Little Dog: I can’t remember.

Me: Big Dog?

Big Dog: I also can’t remember.

Me: It’s times like these I wish I had pet insurance.


Big Dog’s replacement replacement collar, with two different ways to identify her, should she take off down the street again.  That’s a good story, for another time.






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