Me: I almost hate to ask, but what’s that noise?
Big Dog: That’s me. I’m chewing on this thing.
Me: What thing?
Big Dog: This thing that’s in my crate with me.
Me: I don’t see any thing.
Big Dog: That’s because I ate it. I ate the thing.
Me: Wait, what’s this?
Big Dog: That’s what’s left of the thing I ate. I saved it for last because it is jingly and crunchy.
Me: These look like your ID tags.
Big Dog: I would like you to give me the jingly and crunchy things, please.
Me: Was the thing you ate around your neck?
Big Dog: Yep. I would like you to give me the jingly and crunchy things now, please.
Me: No, Big Dog, no! Don’t you know that eating a nylon collar can lacerate your intestines?
Big Dog: You are saying a lot of words I don’t understand right now. I would like you to give me…
Me: They’re ID tags, they’re metal, and you can’t have them, Big Dog.
Big Dog: … the jingly and crunchy things. Please.
Me: Wait, what are you doing, Little Dog?
Little Dog: I’m chewing this thing I found in Big Dog’s crate. As you know, I’m normally not that into crates, but for Big Dog, I make an exception. I’m finding it a little chewy, though.
Big Dog: I want that thing. Also, the jingly things. I want all the things. Please. Please give me all the things.
Me: Little Dog, how much did you eat?
Little Dog: I can’t remember.
Me: Big Dog?
Big Dog: I also can’t remember.
Me: It’s times like these I wish I had pet insurance.